Waves Kullabygden Sound Water Mountain Coast

January 20, 2017

I spent my day today surrounded
everyone around me ebbing and flowing
and me, a jetty, stoic and unmoved.

That’s how it is for me, PTSD
pushes me from one extreme to the other
so emotional I cannot be touched then
so far removed nothing can touch me.

Today I let the salt run down me
and I stood in the midst of it
eyes dry and heart still
trying to find a way to reach
out from the haze surrounding me
to touch each and every one of you.

All I want to do is enfold you
take each trembling drop of you
and press you into stillness in
each of my cracks and crevices
build a home within where you can
rest your weary bones.

You have been breaking for so long
I don’t remember a time when I
didn’t hear you, didn’t register
your cries in the night, cold fingers
of your hands grasping at me only to
slide back into the sea and recommence
your crashing melody.

Today I spent my day surrounded
wanting to reach out, to do more
but unable to shake myself from my
foundation.

All I can do at times like these is
stand. And hope my stillness gives you
something you can safely break against.

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9 thoughts on “January 20, 2017

  1. “That’s how it is for me, PTSD
    pushes me from one extreme to the other
    so emotional I cannot be touched then
    so far removed nothing can touch me.” <———SO MUCH YES. Your writing has found a home in an otherwise vacant place in me. As my friends and family march against the rise of, the rise of, the rise… I don't even know. And that's the thing. I don't even know and that scares me in ways I've not felt before and here I am at 48 years old thinking I'd felt all the brands of OH FUCK that I'm ever going to feel. Thank you for writing this. And for giving me a little stillness to break against. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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