I spent my day today surrounded
everyone around me ebbing and flowing
and me, a jetty, stoic and unmoved.
That’s how it is for me, PTSD
pushes me from one extreme to the other
so emotional I cannot be touched then
so far removed nothing can touch me.
Today I let the salt run down me
and I stood in the midst of it
eyes dry and heart still
trying to find a way to reach
out from the haze surrounding me
to touch each and every one of you.
All I want to do is enfold you
take each trembling drop of you
and press you into stillness in
each of my cracks and crevices
build a home within where you can
rest your weary bones.
You have been breaking for so long
I don’t remember a time when I
didn’t hear you, didn’t register
your cries in the night, cold fingers
of your hands grasping at me only to
slide back into the sea and recommence
your crashing melody.
Today I spent my day surrounded
wanting to reach out, to do more
but unable to shake myself from my
foundation.
All I can do at times like these is
stand. And hope my stillness gives you
something you can safely break against.
Modern Day Dirae 
‘And hope my stillness gives you
something you can safely break against.’
Absolutely beautiful.
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Thank you!
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“That’s how it is for me, PTSD
pushes me from one extreme to the other
so emotional I cannot be touched then
so far removed nothing can touch me.” <———SO MUCH YES. Your writing has found a home in an otherwise vacant place in me. As my friends and family march against the rise of, the rise of, the rise… I don't even know. And that's the thing. I don't even know and that scares me in ways I've not felt before and here I am at 48 years old thinking I'd felt all the brands of OH FUCK that I'm ever going to feel. Thank you for writing this. And for giving me a little stillness to break against. ❤
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I am so glad that I was able to fill that vacant space for you. That is such a massive compliment and I’m so honored. ❤
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stillness to break against…that is all and that is everything. Brilliant. Thanks for this important glimpse into PTSD.
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You are so welcome. Thank you for reading!
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“..and me, a jetty, stoic and unmoved.” The road to recovery is a long one, this poem was beautifully written, and I am glad you shared it. I came here from the Yeah write’s Moonshine grid.
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Thank you. Sharing it felt strange and vulnerable, but I do whatever Rowan says when she tells me to publish a thing on the grids, so I went for it. 🙂
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Raw, honest, beautiful!
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