Xena The Warrior Puppy and the Tyrrany of Refuse

I love my puppy so much. And she gets more and more interesting all the time. And yes, by “interesting” I do mean bizarre.

Adorkable.
Adorkable.

This morning I took her for her walk before Frankie woke up. We walked down the tiny side street that my apartment butts up against. The morning was crisp and cool. She was bouncy and awake.

When we got halfway down the street, tragedy struck.

A gentle breeze found it’s way to us, weaving between cars and trees and street lights. When it arrived, it stirred beneath the resting place of a discarded sales circular, causing a distinct papery sound along with a flutter of motion.

Xena lost her shit. She leapt straight into the air and landed about three feet away from me, eyes fixed on the discarded Target ad. Heckles up. Legs stiff. Ears alert for any more errant motion.

I laughed at her (because she is hilarious), and walked her over to the paper. She snarled at it. The paper rustled unapologetically, causing her to yet again lift her head in alarm.

We moved on. Xena glanced over her shoulder once to assure herself that she was not, in fact, being stalked.

A few houses down the playful morning breeze renewed it’s assault, this time with a Shop Rite circular lurking in wait beside a flower box.

Circular: *flutter*
Xena: WHAT IN THE ACTUAL NINE HELLS IS THAT???
Circular: *flutter, bitch*

As Xena walked tentatively over to investigate this new threat to her dogness, I witnessed a new entrant into the fray. For rolling toward us was a balled up Hershey’s candy bar wrapper. I could not bring myself to alert Xena, not because I was restrained in some way, but because I am a bad person.

Xena: I WILL UNCOVER YOUR SECRETS, PAPER THING!!!
Circular: *flutter*
Hershey Wrapper: *JAWS theme song*
Xena: IT’S A COUP! HEAD FOR THE HILLS! EVERY DOG FOR THEMSELVES! RUN, MOM!

Let the record show that I did not delay her escape intentionally, but that I simply could not find the strength to stand through my laughter as she tried to run away.

My dog is weird and wonderful.

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